


Drinking Is Bad

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Time, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-30
Updated: 2004-07-30
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: Poor drunk, deranged Lex.





	Drinking Is Bad

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Author's Notes: This is humor, plain and simple. Please keep that in mind when reading this. 

 

Acknowledgements: To everyone who reads this. *smooch* 

 

*************************************************** 

 

Clark walked into Lex's office, frowning at the sight before him. Lex was currently jumping up and down, giggling and singing. Clark's lips twitched in bemusement as he heard what Lex was singing. 

 

"The wonderful thing about Lexies, is Lexies are wonderful things. We wear lots of purple and caress blue phallic things. We like to drive flashy cars and hang out at gay bars. Oh, the wonderful thing about Lexies..." 

 

Clark couldn't stand it any longer and fell to the floor, laughing so hard that he started to hiccup. Lex stopped his dancing and prancing to glare at Clark. With a wounded air, Lex hopped over to the bar and poured himself another large shot of scotch. "Lex, what are you doing?" 

 

"Nothin'," Lex replied, frowning at Clark when he took the glass out of his hand. Thank goodness too, cause I think Lex just made a dork of himself. I mean, he totally ruined Tigger's theme song. But I digress. 

 

With Lex drunk and out of it, Clark proceded to take full advantage of the situation. Huh? What do ya mean he'd never do such a thing? Do you guys actually think Clark is some type of virginal mama's boy? You do? Well, tough titties, this is my ficcie and if I want him to be a nympho slut, then he shall be, k? 

Anyway, for the next five minutes there was squealing, groaning, moaning and whimpering. See, the reason this only lasted five minutes is because Clark was a teenager and I'm sorry to say this but teenage boys have the stamina of a fly. Once his cock got to boink it was all down hill from there. 

 

So, with a smile, Clark picked up a still nekkid Lex (tm) and sped them to his room, dangly bits flapping in the breeze the whole time. I'm telling you, Lex's poor nuts where so small, you'd have thought they were really marbles from the air currents. 

 

Unbeknownst to the two youngsters, Papa Luthor had heard the whole thing with his bugging of the office. Hey, this is before that episode where Lex finds the listening thingies his pervy father left all over the house. Eew. I sure as hell wouldn't want to hear my child doing naughty things, but then this is Lionel. But I digress. 

 

Lionel, wanting to see more, I'm not too sure this guy's really blind, but he does a damn fine job of pretending if not. He click-clacked up the stairs towards Lex's room. Once he finally got there, he paused. All he could smell was cheesewhiz and a faint odor of chocolate. Huh? What the hell were they doing up there anyway, having dinner? Not wanting to know any further, least he be tramatized for life, he headed back down the stairs, his cane whacking everything it came in contact with, especially Enrique. Poor Enrique, I don't think he really wanted to father any kids any time soon anyway. 

 

End


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